Chapter 98

"At first, I had a strong emotional reaction. I cried all the time and couldn't sleep all night. It was very painful, but these emotions were still fresh and direct. I could still feel them at that time." Li Qingyao said, "I don't know when it started, but I didn't feel anything about anyone or anything. I didn't feel sad, but I still had insomnia and couldn't fall asleep until two or three o'clock every day. For a period of time, I woke up at 4:38 every morning. I still remember this time, because every day when I open my eyes, without an alarm clock, it is this time, not a minute off.

I felt very irritated, dissatisfied with everyone, and felt that everyone must hate me. I would think about a small matter over and over for a long time, and I was very anxious. My mind could not stop at all and I could not control it. I wondered where my brother was, what kind of life Luo Huaizheng was living in prison, why it was not me who got into trouble, how could I have the face to live a peaceful and comfortable life?

I also worry about a lot of things for no reason, such as being hit by a car when I go out, being worried about my parents getting into an accident, and not being able to graduate... These are all illogical fears of the unknown. But because nothing has happened, it's just happening in my mind, so I can't find a solution and can only worry in vain.

I have had thoughts of suicide once or twice. When I saw the window, I thought I could just jump out and not have to worry about anything. It would be so relaxing. But I am not that crazy. I still have parents. I can’t die. That would be too selfish. And my brother hasn’t been found yet. How can I die?”

After saying this, Li Qingyao felt a little regretful that he shouldn't have said it. But at the same time, he felt more relaxed in front of him.

She looked into his eyes, her expression becoming dazed.

Chen Pu stared at her straight, his eyes slightly red. He stretched out a hand and moved it close to her face. Li Qingyao did not move. His thumb first wiped her left cheek, then her right cheek, and Li Qingyao felt the wetness on her face.

She said: "There's no need to pity me. In the final analysis, my mental state is not strong enough. People with strong mental states will never be depressed."

"What nonsense are you talking about." Chen Pu took his hand back. "I'm very happy. You told me this. I promise I won't tell anyone else. You will forget it after hearing it. You are really amazing, even more amazing than I thought. Look how good you are now. You are excellent at work, everyone likes you, you are the most awesome newcomer in the whole company, and you can help people with kidney deficiency at any time, right? You are one in a thousand, one in ten thousand, and you are almost perfect."

Li Qingyao was amused by him: "Just blow it." But she dropped another tear, and he reached out and wiped it away with his thumb.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"why?"

Chen Pu took a deep breath and said, "A few months ago, I criticized you for wearing a mask to everyone, including me. Now I understand, isn't that your way of protecting yourself? You have been trying very hard to integrate with everyone, and you are obviously doing very well, but I was so smart that I insisted on pursuing my true nature. I was so stupid. During that time, were you very uncomfortable and did it put a lot of pressure on you?"

Li Qingyao said, "Chen Pu, I'm not a porcelain doll. I said I'm not strong enough. I'm not weak, but I'm determined to get out of this. I actively cooperate with the treatment, and with the help of my mother's Chinese medicine, I will definitely get out of this. I was very angry at that time, but actually... you also helped me. It's like a drowning person who struggles to climb to the river bank with all her strength. There is only one step left, she hesitates, she can't walk anymore. At this time, you suddenly run over and kick her from behind.

You know, after that, I felt more comfortable interacting with people, as if I had found a part of myself. If you hadn't told me, I would have really forgotten what kind of person I wanted to be and what kind of life I wanted to live. And these two things define who we are as human beings. "

Chen Pu gave a thumbs up and said, "That makes a lot of sense."

"Of course, I read countless psychology books during that period."

After a long chat, although they were all about unpleasant past events, both of them felt relaxed and had a comfortable chat. This feeling is light, not strong, but it can permeate every strand of your hair and every bone, making you feel soft from the inside out.

"We agreed that you can't treat me like a porcelain doll anymore. I'm fine now. I'll be unhappy if you do that."

"I promise I won't. As I said before, in our second team, men are treated like animals and women are treated like men. I guarantee you won't have a comfortable life."

Li Qingyao was happy, and the traces of tears on her face had long disappeared. She said, "I'm a little curious, have you ever encountered difficulties like me when you grew up?"

Except my brother - she added in her mind. Then Chen Pu said: "Is there any need to ask? The only obstacle I can't get over in my life is your brother. To be honest, I have always had everything I wanted since I was a child. I am the youngest in the family, and everyone spoils me, especially my grandmother, who agrees with me in almost everything.

But I was not very obedient at that time. From kindergarten to high school, I was always the boss of the school. My family was afraid that I would learn bad things, so they forced me to go to the police academy. Originally, they planned to let me go home and find something to do after I was beaten up in the police academy and became a new person, and then lie down and get paid. However, after two years of study, I decided to become a policeman in the future, because I wanted to do it, and they agreed with me. My parents, my eldest brother and my second brother said that as long as I didn't do bad things in this life, I could live my life as I wanted.

In the first two years of looking for your brother, everyone praised me for my kindness, even my two brothers gave money and effort to support me, of course I accepted all the money, I would rather not take advantage of it. But in the past few years, everyone has advised me not to look for him anymore.

But I want to find it. In fact, sometimes I think that it is good to have a goal in life. It makes life more exciting and meaningful. "

Li Qingyao suddenly understood one thing, that is, why Chen Pu could insist on looking for her brother for so long when there was little hope, and planned to continue looking.

Because he had been smooth sailing since childhood and had hardly encountered any major setbacks. From the moment he was born, his life had a safety net that others could not hope to have. Originally, he should have lived a carefree, happy and ostentatious life, and being a policeman was also what he wanted in his heart.

He was originally a favorite of God, a master of reincarnation, a prince who lived in a golden castle and was unaware of the sufferings of the world, and a little tyrant who could call the wind and rain and act arrogance. He was an absolute idealist.

But he met Li Jincheng, a good-natured man with a common sense. They had similar interests and were influenced by him. He changed for him and they became friends for life.

Then Chen Pu lost Li Jincheng again.

This was perhaps the first time in the little prince's life that he experienced the pain of loss.

If it were most people, they would be sad for a while and try their best to look for the loved one for a while, but when there is really no other way, they can only cherish the memory forever and go on with their life.

But Chen Pu refused to do it.

He is a little prince who grew up spoiled, a little bully who is fearless. He is unwilling to lose, and no one can make him lose.

So he was so determined to do it, no matter who tried to persuade him, he was unwilling to give up his youth, life, and time, he just wanted to get back the best friend of his life.

……

The dark night was reflected on the window glass, and the rumbling train continued. Chen Pu suddenly heard Li Qingyao sigh: "Why are you such a person..."

Chen Pu was puzzled: "What's wrong with me?"

"Big fool."

"No personal attacks."

"Go to bed quickly. We still have to investigate the case tomorrow. Good night and have a sweet dream, Chen Xiaopu."

Thank you all for your encouragement, I am more motivated!